I was born and raised in a Christian home with a godly mother as well as godly grandparents. Some of my most precious memories of my grandparents are them sitting in their matching recliners in their living room EVERY night reading their devotionals and God’s Word. They would take turns reading and then take turns praying...for each other, their family (children and grandchildren - by name), their church family, missionaries, whatever was on their hearts for that particular day. Watching them helped me to develop the same type of habits for my devotional time. We all attended the same church. The church my grandparents, as well as my mom, were charter members. This is the church where I was dedicated, came to faith in Christ, as well as the church I was married in. I jokingly say that I attended Sunday School and church 9 months before I was born as well as every Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night since then. We were very involved. My mom sang in the choir (she has a beautiful alto voice even at the age of 78), and when the doors were open, we were there.
This is the church that I grew up in. It is where I learned the books of the Bible. It is where I learned all the famous Bible stories. It is where I learned all of those amazing hymns like “Standing on the Promises” and “What a Friend I Have in Jesus.” It is where I learned to love people. It is where I learned the Gospel and the importance of sharing it. It is where I learned to love the things of God.
I accepted Jesus as my Savior at 9 years of age. I remember very vividly that it felt like my heart was going to beat right out of my chest. I knew the Lord had been dealing with my young heart for a good while. I had questions and had recently talked to our pastor and had prayed to ask Jesus into my heart to be my Savior. But on this particular Sunday, when the invitation came, I couldn't wait to make it public. Thankfully at a very young age, by God’s grace, I had an acute sensitivity to sin. Also, by His grace, the things of the world (partying, drinking, fowl language, etc.) never appealed to me. The fact that I was scared to death of my dad, but ever more scared of disappointing my momma, didn't hurt either. I was quite the spiritual nerd during my high school years and though I had some good high school friends, my closest relationships were rooted and grounded in my church, and that has remained to be the case throughout my entire lifetime.
My husband and I had very similar backgrounds. Like me, he attended church 9 months before he was born, was raised in a Christian home with godly parents, and had godly grandparents (who were good friends with my grandparents. Our grandfathers worked together when they were young and when they would run into each at the doctor’s office later in life, they would pray for us to get together!), and he learned early on about the things of God. He preached his first sermon at the age of 13, and in his late teens, he felt a call to surrender to the ministry. Once in college, he served in various positions...music minister, youth minister, and preaching whenever needed. Sadly, his heart began to be hardened because of what he experienced and saw, and his heart turned away from the ministry. Providentially, he married me, and I knew the Lord had gifted him in a mighty way. I also knew the Lord had called me to the ministry as well, and I had always felt it would be by way of being a pastor’s wife. The Lord also allowed our current preacher ( the same one who married us) and Rusty to become good friends. It was a beautiful thing to see the Lord soften his heart and remind him of his calling. Over time, Rusty began preaching again and about 5 years into our marriage, the Lord called us to pastor our current church. This April, we will celebrate our 20 year anniversary. It is here that I began to have a true understanding of, as well as truly grow in, God’s Amazing grace.
I didn't realize it at the time, but those first five years of marriage would do much to prepare my heart for the ministry. Besides the “normal” issues that come up when you are newly married (learning each other, expectations, finances, etc.), my parents separated, our church went through several struggles that included most of our folks in leadership positions, and our son was born with asthma as well as some developmental issues that led to a diagnosis of autism at around 18 months. During my pregnancy with my son, the dad was diagnosed with bladder cancer and after a long battle, he passed away when my son was 6 months old. Up until this point in my life, my life had been pretty uneventful. I liken this time in my life as” my far country experience” because for the first time in my life, I felt out of fellowship with God. Because of my dad’s and my son’s illnesses, I wasn't able to attend church on a regular basis. I was 25 years old and for the first time, I wasn't “involved” in my church. Add the stress of my life circumstances, my marriage struggles, and my faith being shaken for the first time, and I was a hot mess! The way I have always explained it when sharing my testimony is that it is like Satan was there crouching and waiting. He knew the Lord had saved me, but he was waiting and wanting me to forget. He knew I was weary and worn. He knew I was struggling spiritually, and he used that opportunity to pounce! And pounce he did,
On the other side of it, I see God’s amazing grace. I see how He used this time in my life to strengthen my marriage and my resolve to do whatever it takes, to change my expectations, and to be totally dependent on God for that hole in my soul. He showed me that though it is okay to have faith in people, my ultimate faith MUST be in my perfect Father and not in men and women who are sinners in need of a Savior just like me. They will fail me. They will let me down. They will disappoint me, but my Heavenly Father never will. I learned that I am not owed a pain free life but rather that my pain and struggles are what the Lord used (and will continue to use) to grow me and mold me and teach me His ways. It’s where I learned that a diagnosis of autism is not a death sentence but rather a place where I would be allowed to experience and see the hand of God in a mighty way. It is where I would learn to seek Him with my whole heart and trust Him with my son’s. It allowed me to appreciate things I might never have appreciated and to be blessed in ways I would have never been blessed. It prepared my heart for other hurting parents and gave me a desire to come alongside other parents with special needs, knowing that apart from Christ, how can one handle the day to day struggles? My far country experience caused me to run to the Lord like I never had before realizing I had never had a need to. It gave me such clarity of why the Lord allows trials and suffering...for our good and so He can get all the glory for the great things He has done, is doing, and will continue to do until Jesus comes back!
In the twenty plus years we have been in ministry, our little church has been through a lot. We had a fire that destroyed our fellowship hall that included our kitchen, our nursery, and my husband's office. Literally a few months after we were back up and running, the great flood of 2016 devastated our entire property and more than half of our congregation lost everything they owned. It was an exhausting time, BUT GOD. I have never been more proud of our people. I was able to see those whose homes were destroyed by the flood seek the Lord with all their hearts for peace, comfort, and strength. I was able to see those who didn't flood to come alongside their brothers and sisters in Christ until the tasks of gutting and rebuilding were complete. The flood changed the dynamics of our church as we lost several members because they relocated elsewhere due to moving, new opportunities, and job changes.
Over the years we have had people come and go for various reasons. Some personal, some because of doctrine, general disagreements, etc, but in 2017, we had a situation that rocked our little church to its core, and it caused several families to leave. These particular families that left included my 3 best friends (the friends that I raise my kids with, that I got in the trenches with and actually had been in the literal trenches with the year before) and one who was like a daughter to me. To her children, my husband and I were known as Moppy and Poppy. It was a heart-wrenching time that made the manual work of the flood seem easy...BUT GOD! I was able to see the Lord work and move in the broken hearts of His people. He allowed us to be torn down and brought to our knees so that He could rebuild us better and stronger for His kingdom and all by His grace.
Altogether, we lost 13 families between the flood and flight of folks. During that time, my husband and I searched the Lord’s will for our lives like we never had before. I know personally my prayer life was stronger than it had ever been, and as I began to build and strengthen the relationships with the people the Lord allowed me to continue to minister to, I couldn't help but be thankful for the storm. I couldn't help but be thankful for the corrections, the steadfast love, the forgiveness, and the grace that I received from my Lord and Savior. I couldn't help but be thankful for the growth and for what the Lord taught me about others and especially myself.
This walk has been a process for sure and this year, in 2020, I am able to see even more clearly the beauty of the gifts God gives us...the gift of remembering, the gift of time, the gift of growth, and it all being covered in God’s amazing grace.
Over the years, as a church we have done some amazing things and with those things comes amazing memories. Some I have mentioned earlier but there is so much more….youth and children’s retreats, VBS, revivals, dinner-on-the-grounds, Fall festivals, baptisms, Ladies meetings, Christmas parties, and so many outreaches. Apart from church related activities we have had showers, weddings, births, graduations, birthday parties, floods, fires, death, cancer...more joy and suffering that could be put into words. I am thankful for these memories. I am thankful for the opportunity to serve God’s people for however long He sees fit. And when folks leave, no matter what the reason, those memories can never be taken away. I am thankful for the good memories I have. I am thankful for the good memories my kids have. And I have learned to be thankful for the not so good memories that the Lord continues to use to make me look more like Him and seek Him with my whole heart. There was a portion of time when the hurt was still so raw and real that I begged God to help me to forget. But in His goodness and faithfulness, he gently allowed me to see the importance of remembering. In the remembering was healing. In the remembering, I was continually reminded of the grace.
I am also thankful for the gift of time and specifically, God’s timing. It is amazing how the Lord uses this gift to soften our hearts and allow us to get a godly perspective. The Lord uses this gift of time to heal hearts... to allow for anger and hurt to subside... to allow for reflection and Truth to be remembered. Maybe not the actual truth of a situation or circumstance, but the truth of the heart of the matter... the truth about people's hearts and motives. The gift of time has been such a blessing to me over these past few years.
The gift of growth! Oh my gracious, the gift of growth! The opportunity to be able to look back and see God's plan... to see His work... to see His hand... to know He never lost control and that He truly has been working all things for my good and His glory. I am thankful for the growth and the realization of what I needed to change, what I need to release, and where I need to simply trust. And the growth to be able to see the same things happening in others. I can never be sad about the situations the Lord has allowed into my ministry. I can never be sad that He knows I constantly need to be reminded that I am 100% dependent on him!
And oh what I have learned about grace on this amazing journey!! This grace that I could never earn and can never lose. It is such a perspective changer. Like love, it covers a multitude of sins, keeps hearts soft, helps us forgive and helps us seek forgiveness. It reminds us of God's goodness to us and gives us the strength to pour out that same grace on to others.
Well that was a long introduction as to why my life motto is BY HIS GRACE!! I gave you that background information so that you could see my heart and where the Lord has brought me to prepare me for “such a time as this.” This year, providentially, my focus word for our ladies is RENEW. I am so ready for a revival in my heart...for a renewed strength, renewed relationships, a renewed sensitivity to sin, renewed gratitude, and a renewed zeal for the things of God and His people. Don’t misunderstand me, I have had a heart for God’s people for most of my life, and I have always taken my position as a pastor’s wife very seriously, but the last few years have been hard. It has felt at times that I was just trying to survive rather than thrive, and I wanted to be intentional this year about changing that!
Through this 20 year journey in the ministry, the Lord has taught me much, forgiven me much, and poured out grace upon grace. I love having the opportunity to share these things with other ladies ...to remind them of the “prize set before us” and to “press on toward the goal,” because the good, the bad, the brutal, and the beautiful are all worth it because we have an amazing opportunity to play a part in furthering God’s Kingdom.
“We are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God”(2 Corinthians 5:20). Never before has this verse meant so much to me. Oh how I desire to remind my sisters in Christ that this is not our home but the work that we do here matters. To remind them the Lord has called us to be a particular part of His story and He didn't promise it would be easy, but He did promise He would “never leave us or forsake us” and that it would be worth it. And I believe with all of my heart, that He gave us sisters (and brothers) in Christ to walk this journey alongside us as Pauls (Paulettes), Barnabus (Barbaras), and Timothys (Tammys)....to learn from, be encouraged by, be an example to, and to come alongside.
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